you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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