i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
