M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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