Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
