I like my sex mixed with concussions.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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