the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
