i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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