I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
