I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we're making bets on your personal life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
