Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
