I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
