she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
