You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
