The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
