shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
