He felt like a one man threesome
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
