Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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