Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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