Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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