She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
