I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
