we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
