how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
