Don't you send me to vm
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
