I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
