So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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