I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Jerry, you need to find god
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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