I'm gonna have a badass scar
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
