i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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