I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize