drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
