Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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