and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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