Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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