I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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