did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
