I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
