so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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