It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
