Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
