i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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