he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
