I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
