I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
