Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
