ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
