so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
