So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
