Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love having hate sex.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
