i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
