dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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