Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
