is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
