is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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