I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
