dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize