Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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