: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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