do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize