Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
