Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
