My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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