woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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