he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
