i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
