Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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