i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
